Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

The answer to Today's Big Question Of Life is 42.  Psalm 42.  Now we only need to figure out the question.

When I say Psalm 42, I also mean Psalm 43.  The two of them come together and were probably one big Psalm in the original hymnbook we call Psalms.  Have a read of them (go on) and you'll see that the chorus - at 42:5 and 42:11 and 43:5 is:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

    Why so disturbed within me?

It's a song about someone talking to their soul.  Or their heart.  Or themselves.  And asking that question - Today's Big Question Of Life - "Why so downcast?  Why so disturbed?"

If anyone asks me today why I'm a little bit anxious, more than a little bit unsettled and really quite antsy, I'd raise my eyebrows and wonder if they'd missed all the news for the last months about this flippin' coronavirus.  That's why I'm a little bit anxious.  Friends and family far away, more than a bit isolated and not exactly sure what tomorrow will bring.

And that's why Psalms 42 and 43 are two of my favourites.  They show us someone asking themself, why so unhappy? why so downcast?  And asking the question leads them to identify the problems, which they can then go a certain distance to addressing.  Once they've outlined the reasons for their unease, they come to the conclusion that they will put their hope in God, and praise him in spite of everything, for being their Saviour and their God, even though they haven't spotted much blessing in the recent past.  There's a modern equivalent when Moby sings that old gospel track Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

Psalms 42 and 43 encourage me to self-diagnose my spiritual malaise, or, in proper terms, spot what's bugging me.  

All of us are assailed at present by a clinging uncertainty and anxiety, at least a wisp of fear, alongside missing the people we can't be with and quite often feeling powerless to do very much about any of it.

The first step to dealing with it a little is to spot it and acknowledge it.  "Why so downcast, O my soul?"  Then we can go on in the sight of God to say exactly why, and to separate out the half-dozen things that are eating us.  Naming them might cut them down to size.  Naming them might mean that I have six smaller problems to address rather than one massive mess of alarm.  I can make steps with six problems where I'd be paralysed looking to deal with one mahoosive tangled ball of troubles.

Some of my big/small troubles

Getting through all our lockdowns and isolations and separations will be easier if we can stop regularly - mindfully if you like - and take a leaf out of Psalm 42 (and 43!) and talk to ourselves.  That way we won't be so tetchy with the children we're home-schooling or fractious and brittle with our partner, and those of us alone in a strange month won't be overwhelmed by a tidal wave of mixed emotions.

It's good for others too, to ask them at the right time how they feel and whether they can unpack the layers of things that contribute to the downcast-ness.  Children need some space to say how they feel, even if it's just a smiley face and a sad face - and then you can start to imagine with them what would help - quiet times or a hug or a story or an hour when they can snuggle in a rug.

And don't be afraid to air all the little things before God if they're getting you down.  I'm sure many ears are on the verge of needing a good syringe, but that's not going to happen.  And thinking that makes me feel guilty because that's such a first world problem, but I can 'fess up to God about that too. 

 Finally, right at the heart of the 16 verses that make up these Psalms is Psalm 42:8 which says, simply:

By day the Lord directs his love,

    at night his song is with me –

    a prayer to the God of my life.

Right at the heart is a reminder that God is here day and night in prayer and song (sad songs and silly songs included).  So whether you're sleeping badly, sleeping in because you can't quite face the world, sleeping odd hours or not sleeping at all, we can stabilise ourselves for tomorrow by having this brilliant honest conversation with ourselves.  Our heart.  Our soul.  Whatever.

And we can know that whatever our sleeping habits and patterns, whatever ails us, whatever is actually adding to the weight of things that bug us, there's a God who never slumbers nor sleeps.

But that's a whole different psalm...